Warning: Emo Post

(I haven't posted here in a while..)

I feel this deep, empty feeling deep inside.

( Rant to Myself -- please ignore me. )

Mew: sowhere were you?
Me: Here. I've been napping a lot. xD
Mew: D" : silly berr sleepings for REALBEARS
Me: So are you implying that I'm a fake? :o !
Mew: WELL I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS HARD FOR REALBEARS TO GET INTERNET SERVICE
Mew: THEY USUALLY EAT THE INSTALLERS
Me: Naw, installers aren't exactly appetizing. Especially when you have a dial up connection.

I love random, silly conversations.

ANYWAY...

Who gives a rat's ass about my birthday? Today is Bernadette's Friends Appreciation Day, and instead of worrying about receiving gifts, I give gifts in the form of drawings.

...And, unfortunately, I haven't been able to finish everyone's drawing on time.. but I'll get them all done! Eventually. >>;

( My *luffs* to you... )

The Physics Final Exam wasn't so bad as I thought it would be.. so now I have to take the Math and Religion Final, and worry about finishing my Art Final. @_@

And after all that shit, I am FREE.

I'm gonna get out of my hermit shell, go down to Florida, and I'm goin' to fucking College there.

I'm gonna get myself a real life. A real fucking bloody life. 8D

And I have 9-10 drawings I need to get done by next week.. Hah hah, and yes, your Koketsu is one of them, Jay-chan. I'm terribly sorry about not drawing Original Art lately.

Daniel Powter
"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day



I love this song.

"I'm always okay," I say to a girl.

I always feel tired.. even with twelve hours of sleep, I feel tired. Why am I always tired? ..I feel kind of weak. Ashi tells me it's 'cause I'm always napping, so the body gets used to it. Either that, or I have a slow metabolism...

Isn't it frustrating when you can't get what you most desire? I suppose that's the cost of being selfish, but aren't we all selfish? Perhaps I'm just more selfish than others? Either that, or I wasn't meant to have certain things.

For some reason, I see strangers smile as they read this.

If they read this.

According to the devil's dictionary, "happiness" is witnessing another's misfortune. Well, here you go. I hope you're happy. Then, if you're happy, then
I'm happy for you.

"Now you're just being sarcastic." Well, yes and no.

I'm either someone's happy pill, or the girl they don't wish to bother with.

I apologize if most of my posts have been negative recently. I think I'll go get myself a deadjournal.com account. I make myself seem like I'm that sad little person who sits in a dark corner to write depressing poetry. No, I'm just a very bitter person.

'Course, I'll feel better. Eventually.

Edit: Nevermind, I'd need an account code for a deadjournal. I could only get it from another user. Sucks, ne? I'll just have to contain my bitterness or be artistic and draw it out. Hah, right. I can't draw when I'm feeling bitter.

Tired. I am really tired. I want to read at least a few couple of chapters of this book called A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I'll explain the synopsis in the next entry 'cause I'm lazy.

Volunteered at a soup kitchen today with Richard, then went to the mall..

Behold! Bernadette's MySpace. Oh the conformity.

Well, my sleeping pattern is gradually going back to normal. I can't seem to go back to sleep.. I have to go to some soup kitchen with a friend for community service at 8 AM.

So, yeah, I'm just sitting here.. and staring at things.

And I totally bombed that AP Europe Test. $82.00 down the drain...

Happy Cinco de Mayo Day to you Spanish people.

Well, I'm having my AP Europe Exam today. *yawns a bit* Wish me luck.

All right, so it's three in the morning..

I have four hundred questions to answer for four AP Europe study sheets.

I'm not doing them.

I have my Anatomy and Physiology shit to worry about. The exams for Anatomy are earlier than the others, 'cause Ms. Glass is gonna deliver a baby soon.

I've disappointed Mr. Murphy so many times already, but I can't afford to fail Anatomy.

...I just want to quit, and I don't feel any better typing this entry. There's an even bigger problem that I have to worry about, but I think I'll keep it to myself.. And, pertaining to that problem, I don't think anyone else is in my situation right now.

Mergh, I feel so alone. I'd like to have a good cry, but I can't seem to do it. Fuck it.

God, I feel like shit.

21 days.

*squirts Flonase into her nostrils* I'm a spring baby. I'm not supposed to get allergies.
I have my Anatomy and Physiology exam tomorrow, and I have to get my AP Europe shit done.. But I feel so fucking slugish. My sleeping pattern's really fucked up. I had a five-six hour nap, and I still want to go back to sleep. I'm looking at Harry Potter fanart on Potter Art Daily.. I want to draw something so bad, but I'd have a hard time to stop drawing.

I want to draw hill_'s Get Well Soon drawing in particular. She moderates hp_fringeart, where I upload my Harry Potter fanart.. Right now, she's in the hospital diagnosed with pericardium effusion, so keep her in your prayers. ...I may not know her well, but she made me happy when she liked my "Snape is Magically Delicious" drawing that she wanted it. I still have to send her the drawing..

My imagination keeps distracting me. I keep thinking about this roleplaying idea I've came up with long ago.. I think I'd also like to work on it over the summer. Idea:

Harry Potter: Hogwarts' Founders are reincarnated.. and are currently attending Hogwarts. It'll be a roleplay about how their friendship develops, along with betrayal, angst, romance, and all that fun stuff. The four kids'll look ordinary, and wouldn't be aware of who they are (Founders' reincarnations) until later on. When it comes to romance (what? who doesn't like romance? Though, an overdose of fluff can get cheesey >_>) I'd like Hufflepuff to be paired with Slytherin. xD It'd be fun, 'cause they're like polar opposites.

And then I keep thinking about what the Hufflepuff girl would look like.. Yeah, Hufflepuffs are underrated.

Either that, or I might just turn it into some story. I'm not the best writer, but.. Heh, finding committed, advanced/literate roleplayers aren't that easy to find.

I feel like I'm talking to myself more than I am to an audience. I really don't care, I guess, 'cause this livejournal is like a pensieve. 'Course, I wouldn't end up spilling stuff I don't want anyone else to know about on here.

So, it's 6 in the morning, and I've just pulled off an all nighter. It wasn't that difficult, 'cause I slept all of Sunday. I couldn't seem to fall asleep until.. noon, or something. I woke up at quarter to ten. Boogers, my sleeping pattern is fucked.

I hate it when my imagination is being overactive. I get easily distracted from what I'm supposed to do, and I have an urge to draw something.

I hate Senior Year. I hate this week. I hate school. *makes stabbing gesture at problems*

All I've got done was the stupid AP European study sheet thing that consists of 100 questions. Yeah, this shit's being graded.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. High spirited (sometimes). Spendthrift.

Stole it Taken from penofdl.

So there, you know a little about me. Hah, and about being beautiful physically and mentally.. Y'know the whole "God gave me this body, blah blah" thing. I'm not an attention whore, but I don't like to be ignored sometimes, either. XP

Rabbit Rabbit Day.

And as I type this journal entry, I'm trying to work on my European History 100 questions study sheet simultaneously. I'm not as versatile as I thought I was, because right now my brain is as slow as my Dial Up connection.

I've never hated the month of May so much in my life. I think.

Exams are coming up, I have a Lupus project to get done, community service...

Bollocks. I've fucking screwed up my Senior Year. Sorry I let everyone down.

On a slightly lighter note, I have pictures from the Arts Festival. Mainly my drawings, and pictures of myself afterwards...

( Tyger, tyger, burning bright... )

I'm tired of school, and I've procrastinated to the point of the amount of workload being overwhelming. I'm listening to Panic! at the Disco to make me feel better, but it's just making me sleepy. I just.. want to sleep. I just don't want to do anything anymore, but sleep. ..Yet eternal sleep is a scary thought, too. I'm so lethargic, I feel like I've been drugged. Maybe it was the allergy pill I took.

Sure, I have a depression cloud hovering over my head at the moment, but I'll be fine. I don't want to worry the bit of friends that I have left. I can be depressed, can't I?

Suicide is just a forgotten thought, along with my angtsy pre-teen days. Sometimes I feel like dying, though. I'm sure you all had that thought.

So, yeah, I'll be back to my happy self soon enough. Y'know, start using those 'xD' or '^ ^', '^-^', '^_^' ':3' [insert other happy emoticons here] again. I use those even when I'm not smiling, or laughing. See how deceptive those faces can be? *mentally chuckles*

I just blanked out/got distracted for a while, while typing this entry. That's the problem. I get distracted easily. It's like I have ADD or something.

If you're happy, then I'm happy for you. Good for you.
Okay, so there's my emo post or whatever you want to call it.

Ah. It's the end of Spring Break. Wonderful.

Well, on a lighter note, I have a few pictures...

( Will you be my good neighbor? )

J: *gnaws on desk* I hate people.
Me: Yes. Humanity can just die.
J: You know what I think?
Me: Mm?
J: It can go to hell and get ass raped by satan.
Me: Amen.
____________________

Scary Movie 4 was incredibly cheesey. Went to go see it with me Mother. Lots of sexual innuendos, as expected. I didn't even see the third one.

Bought some stuff.

RENT, the DVD. Good musical. Loved it.

Panic! at the Disco is awesome. Catchy voice, unique lyrics.
____________________

"Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction."

____________________

My dad's birds laid eggs. Two of them hatched.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And they both died.
Here's one of them, still alive:


____________________

---> ^-^ ^_^ ^-^ <---

"Ακόμη και ένα χαμόγελο μπορεί."

Look at me take ridiculous pictures of myself:











Technically, you're hallucinating. I have a headache, thanks a lot. Much love. <3

Happy Easter, yo.

Ahhh, I can't stop watching this "La Vie Boheme: HP Style" clip Chels sent me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-FpkYSs98Y

Watch it! :B

Dymphna = Sister
Dymphna: so wassup?
Me: Nothing much.
Me: As usual.
Dymphna: sighs nothin change at all
Me: Nopre.
Me: *Nope
Dymphna: wow that nice to read
Dymphna: hey can u tell if im typin or not
Dymphna: ?
Me: Yes.
Dymphna: me too
Dymphna: cool huh? lo;l
Dymphna: lol
Me: Yeah, pretty cool.
Dymphna: sighs im bored
Me: We all are.
Dymphna: sighs
Dymphna: u change?
Me: What d'you mean?
Dymphna: um like ur style
Dymphna: u knw
Me: ...?
Dymphna: sighs i'll take that as a no

I am so fucking bored. *laughs*
Spring Break: Day 2

What has happened thus far? Nothing.

'Cept for a few roleplays here and there.

Dude. Take me somewhere. I want to be an obnoxious seventeen-year-old.
All right, so here's a couple of pictures I took when I went on that Metropolitan Museum trip weeks ago. I couldn't use Flash, so some of the pictures got blurry... 13 pictures in total. 8D Unlucky-ness.

( omfg. Pictures. )

Whoot. Tomorrow'll mark the beginning of Spring Break -- finally. I have a load of shit to get done over the break, but it's Spring Break! ...I don't exactly have much to say at the moment, but I've made myself another LJ account:

bearknowwho

Basically it's an RP Scrapbook I've made for my own benefit. I suggest you don't "friend" it since it's just a bunch of nonsense.

Posting this for my own benefit. When you translate it to English, it probably won't make any sense, anyway.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
-- Silvia Plath

Είμαι ένα αξιολύπητο μικρό καβούρι. Είμαι ζηλόφθονος εκείνοι που έχουν τις ενεργητικές, εξερχόμενες ζωές. Κοινωνικές πεταλούδες. Δεν θέλω να είμαι αυτός κοινωνικός, αλλά επιθυμώ ότι ήμουν πιό εξερχόμενος. Αισθάνομαι όπως το shit. Είμαι μια αποτυχία. Μερικές φορές επιθυμώ ακόμη και ότι είχα έναν φίλο. Ξέρετε, κάποιος στην αγάπη. Ή όπως πολύ, τουλάχιστον. Μισώ να τον αναγνωρίσω. Είμαι φοβησμένου αυτού που το μέλλον μου θα φέρει. Βρώμισα επάνω πολύς. Μερικές φορές αισθάνομαι ότι όπως την αυτοκτονία είναι η μόνη επιλογή, αλλά ξέρω δεν θα καταλήξω. Πραγματικά, αισθάνθηκα ότι όπως έχω σκοτωθεί ήδη, και ζω στην κάποια κόλαση. Προσπαθώ πάντα να δραπετεύσω την πραγματικότητα, αλλά στο τέλος, θα με πάρει.

Damnit, φθόνος είναι μια αμαρτία.

Yes. Another LiveJournal.

..'Cause I made ndthe3bears my art Live Journal account, where I post art for livejournal communities I'm in and such.

I thought it'd be endearing if I had a livejournal account named after my first nickname, and I'm surprised it hasn't been taken yet. Yey.

Look what my buddy non3theless drew for me!


Hermit Bee

I really am a hermit.. xD

Oh, and HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY to Dymphna, the little brat sister of mine. 13.. '06.. xD Woah, 13th birthday in the devil's year. Very unlucky. *superstitiousness* :B