D e t - d e t

Blah Day

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 05:13:06 GMT

Warning: Emo Post

(I haven't posted here in a while..)

I feel this deep, empty feeling deep inside.

Haha, that sounded like the first line of one of those emo poems. I know I sound like I'm bashing on emos, but I don't hate them, really.

I have thirty-four contact addresses on my Messenger list, and a bunch more on my AIM list. I only talk to, like.. three percent of them. I've grown distant with most of them and eventually stopped talking to them. Hey, it happens. Most of my good friends are online friends, too.

It really makes me happy when someone IMs me.. even when it's just a small greeting. I'm usually not the first to IM people, because everytime I do, I always feel like I'm a nuisance -- even when I'm not.

I'm not an attention whore or anything, but it depresses me when I'm ignored a lot as well. I know everyone should have a bit of alone time, but I think I've had an overdose of it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the third wheel of a well functioning bicycle. The third wheel's not needed. Something like that. Yes, I'm aware that you have other friends to be with. I don't mind, really. Maybe I just need a boyfriend. *snorts* Funny how I say I don't need one, and that I'm better off "alone".. yet I sometimes yearn to feel what it's like to be cared for in that manner.

~~Sometimes I wish I wasn't so fucking sensitive that I'd write shitty journal entries like these.~~ I eventually brush the feeling off, and just be there for whoever needs me.

And I'm growing tired of Gaia because it's filled with n00bs. I'm probably going to quit it because I haven't found a good roleplay there lately. ~~Maybe I should just quit roleplaying.~~

Okay, I'll shut up now.

e i g h t e 3 n <3

Wed, 24 May 2006 04:07:21 GMT

Mew: sowhere were you?
Me: Here. I've been napping a lot. xD
Mew: D" : silly berr sleepings for REALBEARS
Me: So are you implying that I'm a fake? :o !
Mew: WELL I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS HARD FOR REALBEARS TO GET INTERNET SERVICE
Mew: THEY USUALLY EAT THE INSTALLERS
Me: Naw, installers aren't exactly appetizing. Especially when you have a dial up connection.

I love random, silly conversations.

ANYWAY...

Who gives a rat's ass about my birthday? Today is Bernadette's Friends Appreciation Day, and instead of worrying about receiving gifts, I give gifts in the form of drawings.

...And, unfortunately, I haven't been able to finish everyone's drawing on time.. but I'll get them all done! Eventually. >>;

[Currently working on Koketsu]

Friends may come and go -- especially online friends. However, Jaynie (Jayli) has clung to me for, what? Five years now? She holds the record of being online friends with me for the longest time. We first met in an MSN RP chatroom, and from there our friendship blossomed. Finally, we met each other in person just two years ago (I think it was two years ago xD) and had our fun in New York City.

Jayli is always supportive of me, and she always makes me feel accepted and loved. I love you Jay-chan. Thank you for always caring about me. Here's the Koketsu picture that I owe you.

[Image]

Richard. My long time childhood friend. I think we've known each other from eight to nine years, and he was just the boy-who-lived-across-from-me (until I moved). We used to fight a lot over stupid shit when we were younger, and we still poke fun at each other. Since I'm going down to Florida, we'll even be further apart. It's testing our friendship, isn't it? You know you can always trust your secrets with me. :D

[Image]

Ashley. Ashi, Ashi, Ashi. We became friends because of our interest for anime/manga and art. I've known her since sixth grade, and even though we attended different high schools, we still kept in touch. Throughout the years, we've watched our art styles evolve and improve. Ashi's art is so awesome, and I wish she would post at Deviant Art again. Here's the Cheshire Cat, created for her Allen in Drugland (she doesn't do drugs, I swear xD) thingy.

[Image]

Dymphna. My little brat of a sister who has been sent to the Philippines. I miss you, believe it or not.. Um, I don't know what else to say, but when she was still here, with me, we tend to fight a lot over stupid things. I kind of miss that.

[Image]

Dorothy aka Dory. Best Bellatrix and Rodolphus LeStrange roleplayer ever. She's one of the few people I feel comfortable to be "immature" with. We're just a pair of kids who refuse to grow up. *snickers* And thank you for putting up with me and my rants, and for being understanding. *hugsluffshugs*

[Image]

Stephanie aka Mew. Here's your Aurelius and Lena picture that I owe you. Be patient, young grasshopper, and your art shall bend to your liking. :D

[Eh, this is the original, but I didn't like it. ;D]

Kira and Juli. Ah. My roleplaying superiors.. *bows* Well, I figured you guys liked this couple (James/Lily) a lot, so I decided to draw them for you. It was a pleasure roleplaying with you both.. *salutes*, and may you be blessed with more fantastic roleplays together. I do hope you like the drawing.

[Image]

Antwanette (sorry if I spelled your name wrong ><).. I know I don't see you often, but I like your outrageous and jovial personality whenever I get to see you. Whenever I hang out with you and Richard, our hanging out has never been dull!

[Image]

Chelsea aka Chels. I know I know little about you, and that we've yet to roleplay sometime again, but your randomness always brings a smile to my face. *huggles*

Peachy

Wed, 17 May 2006 21:53:16 GMT

The Physics Final Exam wasn't so bad as I thought it would be.. so now I have to take the Math and Religion Final, and worry about finishing my Art Final. @_@

And after all that shit, I am FREE.

I'm gonna get out of my hermit shell, go down to Florida, and I'm goin' to fucking College there.

I'm gonna get myself a real life. A real fucking bloody life. 8D

And I have 9-10 drawings I need to get done by next week.. Hah hah, and yes, your Koketsu is one of them, Jay-chan. I'm terribly sorry about not drawing Original Art lately.

Daniel Powter
"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

I love this song.

Tired..

Wed, 10 May 2006 01:20:37 GMT

"I'm always okay," I say to a girl.

I always feel tired.. even with twelve hours of sleep, I feel tired. Why am I always tired? ..I feel kind of weak. Ashi tells me it's 'cause I'm always napping, so the body gets used to it. Either that, or I have a slow metabolism...

I'll be your Happy Pill

Mon, 08 May 2006 03:55:22 GMT

Isn't it frustrating when you can't get what you most desire? I suppose that's the cost of being selfish, but aren't we all selfish? Perhaps I'm just more selfish than others? Either that, or I wasn't meant to have certain things.

For some reason, I see strangers smile as they read this.

If they read this.

According to the devil's dictionary, "happiness" is witnessing another's misfortune. Well, here you go. I hope you're happy. Then, if you're happy, then
I'm happy for you.

"Now you're just being sarcastic." Well, yes and no.

I'm either someone's happy pill, or the girl they don't wish to bother with.

I apologize if most of my posts have been negative recently. I think I'll go get myself a deadjournal.com account. I make myself seem like I'm that sad little person who sits in a dark corner to write depressing poetry. No, I'm just a very bitter person.

'Course, I'll feel better. Eventually.

Edit: Nevermind, I'd need an account code for a deadjournal. I could only get it from another user. Sucks, ne? I'll just have to contain my bitterness or be artistic and draw it out. Hah, right. I can't draw when I'm feeling bitter.

Lemonade or Fruit Punch?

Sun, 07 May 2006 03:09:58 GMT

Tired. I am really tired. I want to read at least a few couple of chapters of this book called A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I'll explain the synopsis in the next entry 'cause I'm lazy.

Volunteered at a soup kitchen today with Richard, then went to the mall..

Behold! Bernadette's MySpace. Oh the conformity.

It's Saturday?

Sat, 06 May 2006 09:39:11 GMT

Well, my sleeping pattern is gradually going back to normal. I can't seem to go back to sleep.. I have to go to some soup kitchen with a friend for community service at 8 AM.

So, yeah, I'm just sitting here.. and staring at things.

And I totally bombed that AP Europe Test. $82.00 down the drain...

Cinco de Mayonnaise

Fri, 05 May 2006 07:53:45 GMT

Happy Cinco de Mayo Day to you Spanish people.

Well, I'm having my AP Europe Exam today. *yawns a bit* Wish me luck.

Sh!t.

Thu, 04 May 2006 07:22:12 GMT

All right, so it's three in the morning..

I have four hundred questions to answer for four AP Europe study sheets.

I'm not doing them.

I have my Anatomy and Physiology shit to worry about. The exams for Anatomy are earlier than the others, 'cause Ms. Glass is gonna deliver a baby soon.

I've disappointed Mr. Murphy so many times already, but I can't afford to fail Anatomy.

...I just want to quit, and I don't feel any better typing this entry. There's an even bigger problem that I have to worry about, but I think I'll keep it to myself.. And, pertaining to that problem, I don't think anyone else is in my situation right now.

Mergh, I feel so alone. I'd like to have a good cry, but I can't seem to do it. Fuck it.

God, I feel like shit.

Dance of the Flonase

Wed, 03 May 2006 05:10:00 GMT

21 days.

*squirts Flonase into her nostrils* I'm a spring baby. I'm not supposed to get allergies.
I have my Anatomy and Physiology exam tomorrow, and I have to get my AP Europe shit done.. But I feel so fucking slugish. My sleeping pattern's really fucked up. I had a five-six hour nap, and I still want to go back to sleep. I'm looking at Harry Potter fanart on Potter Art Daily.. I want to draw something so bad, but I'd have a hard time to stop drawing.

I want to draw hill_'s Get Well Soon drawing in particular. She moderates hp_fringeart, where I upload my Harry Potter fanart.. Right now, she's in the hospital diagnosed with pericardium effusion, so keep her in your prayers. ...I may not know her well, but she made me happy when she liked my "Snape is Magically Delicious" drawing that she wanted it. I still have to send her the drawing..

My imagination keeps distracting me. I keep thinking about this roleplaying idea I've came up with long ago.. I think I'd also like to work on it over the summer. Idea:

Harry Potter: Hogwarts' Founders are reincarnated.. and are currently attending Hogwarts. It'll be a roleplay about how their friendship develops, along with betrayal, angst, romance, and all that fun stuff. The four kids'll look ordinary, and wouldn't be aware of who they are (Founders' reincarnations) until later on. When it comes to romance (what? who doesn't like romance? Though, an overdose of fluff can get cheesey >_>) I'd like Hufflepuff to be paired with Slytherin. xD It'd be fun, 'cause they're like polar opposites.

And then I keep thinking about what the Hufflepuff girl would look like.. Yeah, Hufflepuffs are underrated.

Either that, or I might just turn it into some story. I'm not the best writer, but.. Heh, finding committed, advanced/literate roleplayers aren't that easy to find.

I feel like I'm talking to myself more than I am to an audience. I really don't care, I guess, 'cause this livejournal is like a pensieve. 'Course, I wouldn't end up spilling stuff I don't want anyone else to know about on here.

Dude. Where's my Coffee?

Mon, 01 May 2006 10:03:49 GMT

So, it's 6 in the morning, and I've just pulled off an all nighter. It wasn't that difficult, 'cause I slept all of Sunday. I couldn't seem to fall asleep until.. noon, or something. I woke up at quarter to ten. Boogers, my sleeping pattern is fucked.

I hate it when my imagination is being overactive. I get easily distracted from what I'm supposed to do, and I have an urge to draw something.

I hate Senior Year. I hate this week. I hate school. *makes stabbing gesture at problems*

All I've got done was the stupid AP European study sheet thing that consists of 100 questions. Yeah, this shit's being graded.

May? Nay!

Mon, 01 May 2006 04:59:21 GMT

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. ~~Strong-willed and highly motivated.~~ Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. ~~Attracts others and loves attention~~. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. ~~Needs no motivation~~. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. ~~Sickness usually in the ear and neck~~. Good imagination. ~~Good physical~~. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not having many children. High spirited (sometimes). Spendthrift.

~~Stole it~~ Taken from penofdl.

So there, you know a little about me. Hah, and about being beautiful physically and mentally.. Y'know the whole "God gave me this body, blah blah" thing. I'm not an attention whore, but I don't like to be ignored sometimes, either. XP

Rabbit Rabbit Day.

And as I type this journal entry, I'm trying to work on my European History 100 questions study sheet simultaneously. I'm not as versatile as I thought I was, because right now my brain is as slow as my Dial Up connection.

I've never hated the month of May so much in my life. I think.

Exams are coming up, I have a Lupus project to get done, community service...

Bollocks. I've fucking screwed up my Senior Year. Sorry I let everyone down.

On a slightly lighter note, I have pictures from the Arts Festival. Mainly my drawings, and pictures of myself afterwards...

My pink-tiger-with-green-eyes drawing.

Evil, villainous girl. Watch out, she's going to eat your brains. She already ate mine.

A bunch of paintings. Mine's sort of in the middle. The old dude that's all grinning and such.

Me.

__________________
Me + arriving home from Marist's Arts Festival + flowers. I feel sorry for boring Richard over there. I'm in my room, if you're wondering.

Fin.

Is that a semi-colon?

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:40:50 GMT

I'm tired of school, and I've procrastinated to the point of the amount of workload being overwhelming. I'm listening to Panic! at the Disco to make me feel better, but it's just making me sleepy. I just.. want to sleep. I just don't want to do anything anymore, but sleep. ..Yet eternal sleep is a scary thought, too. I'm so lethargic, I feel like I've been drugged. Maybe it was the allergy pill I took.

Sure, I have a depression cloud hovering over my head at the moment, but I'll be fine. I don't want to worry the bit of friends that I have left. I can be depressed, can't I?

Suicide is just a forgotten thought, along with my angtsy pre-teen days. Sometimes I feel like dying, though. I'm sure you all had that thought.

So, yeah, I'll be back to my happy self soon enough. Y'know, start using those 'xD' or '^ ^', '^-^', '^_^' ':3' [insert other happy emoticons here] again. I use those even when I'm not smiling, or laughing. See how deceptive those faces can be? *mentally chuckles*

I just blanked out/got distracted for a while, while typing this entry. That's the problem. I get distracted easily. It's like I have ADD or something.

If you're happy, then I'm happy for you. Good for you.
Okay, so there's my emo post or whatever you want to call it.

Teh Bunny's Running Away!

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 22:20:09 GMT

Ah. It's the end of Spring Break. Wonderful.

Well, on a lighter note, I have a few pictures...

There was an Open House in the condominium from across the street, and I was able to access the rooftop. Sweet.

Third house. That's my home, right there, with the gate that I accidentally left open. I live right at the bottom floor, so you have to go through the side to get in.

Above/past my house.

My neighborhood.

Look, it's Manhattan! Le gasp. There's the Empire State building to your right, and the second tallest one (the needle top) is the Chrysler Building, I think.

....Someone's back yard?

Security Device Enclosed

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 04:42:33 GMT

J: *gnaws on desk* I hate people.
Me: Yes. Humanity can just die.
J: You know what I think?
Me: Mm?
J: It can go to hell and get ass raped by satan.
Me: Amen.
____________________

Scary Movie 4 was incredibly cheesey. Went to go see it with me Mother. Lots of sexual innuendos, as expected. I didn't even see the third one.

Bought some stuff.

RENT, the DVD. Good musical. Loved it.

Panic! at the Disco is awesome. Catchy voice, unique lyrics.
____________________

"Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction."

____________________

My dad's birds laid eggs. Two of them hatched.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And they both died.
Here's one of them, still alive:

____________________

---> ^-^ ^_^ ^-^ <---

"Ακόμη και ένα χαμόγελο μπορεί."

Look at me take ridiculous pictures of myself:

Technically, you're hallucinating. I have a headache, thanks a lot. Much love. <3

throws Easter eggs at you

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 00:49:23 GMT

Happy Easter, yo.

Ahhh, I can't stop watching this "La Vie Boheme: HP Style" clip Chels sent me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-FpkYSs98Y

Watch it! :B

Hi. How're You?

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:26:31 GMT

Dymphna = Sister
Dymphna: so wassup?
Me: Nothing much.
Me: As usual.
Dymphna: sighs nothin change at all
Me: Nopre.
Me: *Nope
Dymphna: wow that nice to read
Dymphna: hey can u tell if im typin or not
Dymphna: ?
Me: Yes.
Dymphna: me too
Dymphna: cool huh? lo;l
Dymphna: lol
Me: Yeah, pretty cool.
Dymphna: sighs im bored
Me: We all are.
Dymphna: sighs
Dymphna: u change?
Me: What d'you mean?
Dymphna: um like ur style
Dymphna: u knw
Me: ...?
Dymphna: sighs i'll take that as a no

I am so fucking bored. *laughs*
Spring Break: Day 2

What has happened thus far? Nothing.

'Cept for a few roleplays here and there.

Dude. Take me somewhere. I want to be an obnoxious seventeen-year-old.
All right, so here's a couple of pictures I took when I went on that Metropolitan Museum trip weeks ago. I couldn't use Flash, so some of the pictures got blurry... 13 pictures in total. 8D Unlucky-ness.

Before and After by Andy Warhole
I took a picture of this 'cause it immediately reminded me of Snape. xD

*squints, trying to read her notes*
Nessus Abducting Deiaura..? by Bertel Thoraudsen..?
Yeah, I think that's the right one. *too lazy to look 'em up*

Andromeda + Sea Monster by Domenico Guidi
Gee. I wonder why I took a picture of this one. *eye roll*
But I honestly like it.

Cupid + Psyche by Antonio.. Canova?
*smooch smooch*
Tell me this is not hawt. This > You. Jk. Jk. April Fools.
April Fools is over, dumbface. Ooooh.

I think this is called One Who Understands by Paul Klee
Why did I take a picture of this? It looks like shit. *gets ambushed by Klee fans*

Circus Man + Girl by Georges Rouault

Vampire by Edward Munch ( XD. I think that's his surname. Munch. That's an awesome surname. )
Hrrm...

...I can't read my writing. Something to do with Pygnation and Galatia by Gerome?
Anyway, I like the concept of this painting.. 'S nice.

Young Woman w/ Ibises by Edgar Degas
Look at the pretty birdies!!

Alright, enough with the art.

I was hanging out with this girl named Gelissa (I hope I spelled her name right) throughout the whole trip. We walked around the Museum together, and we ate lunch at this neat Japanese Sushi bar thing. That's my lunch, right there. I think it was called Gyoji or something. Then I had California Sushi Rolls, 'cause I'm cheap like that. Gelissa offered to buy me some icecream. Green tea icecream. It was nice of her, but she really didn't have to.

And me. Reason why boys tend to stay away from me.
"I See Dumb People" That's what it says on my shirt.

Sushi loves you.

Sping Break

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 22:41:06 GMT

Whoot. Tomorrow'll mark the beginning of Spring Break -- finally. I have a load of shit to get done over the break, but it's Spring Break! ...I don't exactly have much to say at the moment, but I've made myself another LJ account:

bearknowwho

Basically it's an RP Scrapbook I've made for my own benefit. I suggest you don't "friend" it since it's just a bunch of nonsense.

Paper Cups

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 00:02:02 GMT

Posting this for my own benefit. When you translate it to English, it probably won't make any sense, anyway.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
-- Silvia Plath

Είμαι ένα αξιολύπητο μικρό καβούρι. Είμαι ζηλόφθονος εκείνοι που έχουν τις ενεργητικές, εξερχόμενες ζωές. Κοινωνικές πεταλούδες. Δεν θέλω να είμαι αυτός κοινωνικός, αλλά επιθυμώ ότι ήμουν πιό εξερχόμενος. Αισθάνομαι όπως το shit. Είμαι μια αποτυχία. Μερικές φορές επιθυμώ ακόμη και ότι είχα έναν φίλο. Ξέρετε, κάποιος στην αγάπη. Ή όπως πολύ, τουλάχιστον. Μισώ να τον αναγνωρίσω. Είμαι φοβησμένου αυτού που το μέλλον μου θα φέρει. Βρώμισα επάνω πολύς. Μερικές φορές αισθάνομαι ότι όπως την αυτοκτονία είναι η μόνη επιλογή, αλλά ξέρω δεν θα καταλήξω. Πραγματικά, αισθάνθηκα ότι όπως έχω σκοτωθεί ήδη, και ζω στην κάποια κόλαση. Προσπαθώ πάντα να δραπετεύσω την πραγματικότητα, αλλά στο τέλος, θα με πάρει.

Damnit, φθόνος είναι μια αμαρτία.

A New Beginning...

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 20:39:45 GMT

Yes. Another LiveJournal.

..'Cause I made ndthe3bears my art Live Journal account, where I post art for livejournal communities I'm in and such.

I thought it'd be endearing if I had a livejournal account named after my first nickname, and I'm surprised it hasn't been taken yet. Yey.

Look what my buddy non3theless drew for me!

Hermit Bee

I really am a hermit.. xD

Oh, and HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY to Dymphna, the little brat sister of mine. 13.. '06.. xD Woah, 13th birthday in the devil's year. Very unlucky. *superstitiousness* :B